Classic and Contemporary Poetry: Explained

"Parents' Day" by Sharon Olds is a poignant exploration of the complex emotions tied to the speaker's relationship with her mother. The poem captures a vivid childhood memory of waiting anxiously for her mother's arrival on a school Parents' Day, highlighting a mix of admiration, reverence, and an underlying tension. Through rich imagery and introspective reflection, Olds delves into the dynamics of maternal influence and the deep, often ambivalent, feelings children may harbor toward their parents.

The poem begins with the speaker's intense anticipation, described through a physical reaction: "I breathed shallow as I looked for her / in the crowd of oncoming parents." This sets the tone of eager expectation and nervousness. The simile comparing the speaker to "a gazehound held back on a leash" conveys a sense of restrained energy, a powerful desire to rush toward her mother, underscoring the emotional intensity of the moment.

The mother's physical presence is portrayed with a sense of awe and idealization. The speaker recalls her mother as "much bigger than I," emphasizing the mother's larger-than-life impression on her as a child. Her mother's smile is described as "of the highest wattage," suggesting its brightness and perhaps its performative nature. The smile is "a little stiff, sparkling with consciousness of her prettiness," hinting at the mother's self-awareness and the way she presents herself to the world. This detail also introduces a subtle critique, indicating a disconnect between the outward appearance and inner authenticity.

The speaker's admiration for her mother contrasts sharply with her perception of other mothers. She notes that she pitied "the other girls for having mothers / who looked like mothers, who did not blush." This comparison elevates her own mother to a goddess-like status, someone who stands out for her beauty and sophistication. The image of her mother with "braids around her head like a / goddess or an advertisement for California raisins" blends the divine with the commercial, suggesting both a worshipful view and a recognition of a certain artificiality or constructed image.

Olds captures the speaker's conflicted feelings with the line "I worshipped her cleanliness, her transfixing / irises," highlighting the idealization of her mother's physical appearance. Yet, there is an underlying sense of self-doubt or inadequacy, as the speaker reflects on her mother's possible perception of her: "sometimes I thought she could / sense a few genes of hers / dotted here and there in my body / like bits of undissolved sugar / in a recipe that did not quite work out." This metaphor suggests a sense of not fully meeting expectations or fitting the idealized mold represented by her mother, a feeling of being an imperfect version of her.

The poem shifts as the speaker acknowledges a more mature understanding of her mother, thinking "of the long souring of her life," suggesting that as the speaker grew older, she became aware of the difficulties and disappointments her mother faced. However, on Parents' Day, these complexities are overshadowed by the raw, visceral excitement of seeing her mother: "my heart would bang and my lungs swell." The physical sensations described—the feeling of embroidered smocking pressing into her ribs, her chest vibrating "like scraped tin"—convey the intensity of her emotions, highlighting the mixture of pride, love, and perhaps a need for validation.

The poem concludes with the powerful realization that despite everything, "to see that woman arriving / and to know she was mine" is a moment of profound connection and belonging. This final line encapsulates the deep bond and the complicated love that persists despite the imperfections and challenges in their relationship.

"Parents' Day" is a tender and introspective exploration of the speaker's relationship with her mother, capturing the nuanced emotions of admiration, awe, and a deeper understanding of human flaws. Sharon Olds uses vivid imagery and candid reflection to convey the complex and often contradictory feelings children may experience toward their parents, offering a poignant meditation on love, identity, and the longing for connection.

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