Classic and Contemporary Poetry: Explained

Mary Oliver’s poem "The Son" explores the complex interplay of familial expectations, personal identity, and the emotional landscape of unfulfilled desires. Through intimate reflections and poignant imagery, Oliver delves into the unspoken yearning for a son and the daughter’s navigation of these unfulfilled dreams.

The poem opens with a powerful and evocative image: "The son my father never had lived with me secretly; / before sleep / I thought of him with his strong wrists, with my eyes." This initial confession sets the tone for the entire poem, revealing a deep, hidden presence of an imagined brother whose characteristics merge with the speaker’s own. The father’s unfulfilled longing for a son becomes a secret companion to the speaker, who contemplates this alternate identity before sleep, symbolizing a private, contemplative space.

Oliver then touches on the physical and emotional toll of childbirth on the mother: "My mother's body, / too torn from my expulsion to bear again, fed me, / but the longing was clear." The mother's inability to have more children after the speaker’s birth underscores the finality of this unfulfilled longing. The phrase "the longing was clear" signifies that the desire for a son was palpable and present, affecting the family dynamics and the speaker’s sense of self.

The speaker adapts to these unspoken expectations by embracing traditionally masculine traits: "Soon / I could fight like a boy and shoot a gun, I could get lost and find my way home." These lines reflect a determined effort to fulfill the imagined role of the son, acquiring skills and behaviors that align with the father’s desires. However, there is also an undercurrent of internal struggle and fear: "I could not name the things I was afraid of, like my own body, as cranky and mysterious as water." The speaker’s relationship with her own body is fraught with confusion and discomfort, highlighting the tension between who she is and who she feels she should be.

Despite this struggle, there is a yearning for acceptance and recognition: "Of course I dreamed a miracle would happen. / How they loved him, his swagger, his long legs!" The dream of a miracle—of somehow becoming the son her father desired—reflects a deep-seated wish for parental approval and love. The admiration for the imagined son’s qualities further emphasizes the contrast between the speaker’s reality and her parents' dreams.

In the poem’s conclusion, Oliver reflects on the emotional weight of these unfulfilled dreams: "So, in the end, / I must pity them, I suppose, for the sorrow / that hangs in the air / even now / when I greet them as kindly as I can." The speaker acknowledges the lingering sorrow that permeates their interactions, despite her efforts to bring kindness and happiness. The final lines, "in my soft body, / in my long and shining hair— for all of it was true: the miracle of myself, their dreams, their despair," affirm the speaker’s acceptance of her own identity. She recognizes herself as a miracle in her own right, encompassing both her parents’ dreams and their despair.

Structurally, the poem’s free verse and flowing lines create an intimate, conversational tone, allowing readers to delve deeply into the speaker’s thoughts and emotions. Oliver’s language is precise and evocative, capturing the nuanced interplay of personal identity and familial expectations.

In conclusion, "The Son" by Mary Oliver is a deeply reflective and emotionally resonant poem that explores the complexities of identity, familial longing, and acceptance. Through vivid imagery and introspective narrative, Oliver captures the tension between the speaker’s reality and the unspoken desires of her parents. The poem invites readers to consider the weight of familial expectations and the journey toward self-acceptance, highlighting the intricate dance between personal identity and the dreams of those we love. Oliver’s ability to convey profound emotional truths through simple, elegant language makes this poem a poignant exploration of the human condition.

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