Classic and Contemporary Poetry: Explained

Tess Gallagher’s poem “On Your Own” is a poignant exploration of family dynamics, memory, and the longing for connection. The speaker's relationship with their mother is at the heart of the poem, revealing complex emotions tied to home, absence, and the remnants of the past. Gallagher’s language and imagery evoke a deep sense of introspection and unresolved tension.

The poem opens with a sense of desperation: “As usual, I was desperate. / I went through your house as if I owned it.” This initial action of searching through the house conveys a need for something lost or an attempt to reclaim a part of the self. The phrase “as if I owned it” implies a familiarity but also a dissonance, suggesting both belonging and estrangement. The mother’s silence in response to the speaker’s demands—“I need This, This and This”—adds to the feeling of emptiness and unspoken tension.

The observation that the house feels empty, with rugs that scarcely cover the floor, highlights the absence of warmth and life. The question about the missing plants—“what have you done with the plants?”—serves as a metaphor for the absence of vitality and growth within the home. The plants, once thought to replace the presence of the family members, symbolize attempts to fill emotional voids with superficial substitutes.

Gallagher introduces a reflective moment with the mother’s gaze: “You were keeping something like a light. / I had seen it before, a place you’d never been or never came back from.” This enigmatic light represents a part of the mother’s inner life or a memory that remains inaccessible to the speaker. The mention of whitecaps lifting the bay and the mother’s anticipation of someone’s return—“He should be here by now”—evokes the enduring hope and sorrow tied to a figure who is both present in memory and absent in reality. This figure, likely the father, is associated with a cycle of departure and return, encapsulating a miracle that was central to their lives despite his flaws.

The speaker’s concern about the boxes of clothes left in the basement reveals a deeper anxiety about the remnants of the past and the unresolved nature of their presence. Home, described as a storehouse, becomes a repository for unspoken words and abandoned belongings. The accumulation of these items parallels the accumulation of unexpressed emotions and memories. The speaker’s acknowledgment—“the more we leave behind, the less you say”—underscores the silent burden of the past and the emotional distance between the family members.

The recurring theme of returning home “in a temper, brushing the azaleas on the doorstep” highlights the cyclical nature of the speaker’s visits, driven by unresolved feelings and a longing for understanding. The final question posed to the mother—“What did you mean by it, this tenderness / that is a whip, a longing?”—captures the dual nature of familial love, which can be both nurturing and painful. This tenderness, described as a whip, suggests the conflicting emotions of care and hurt, comfort and longing.

Gallagher’s poem masterfully weaves together themes of memory, absence, and the complexity of family relationships. Through vivid imagery and introspective narrative, she explores the nuances of emotional inheritance and the ways in which the past continues to shape the present. “On Your Own” is a deeply moving reflection on the enduring impact of family dynamics, the search for connection, and the poignant interplay of love and longing that defines our most intimate relationships.

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