Classic and Contemporary Poetry: Explained

Dorianne Laux?s "What We Carry" explores the weight of unresolved relationships and the emotional burdens that persist through time. With a measured tone and evocative imagery, the poem examines themes of familial estrangement, forgiveness, and the quiet solace found in shared loneliness.

The poem opens with a striking image: a mother driving with her late husband’s ashes in a cardboard box on the front seat of her car. This choice of placement—practical yet unceremonious—suggests an unresolved relationship with both the deceased and the act of mourning itself. The mother’s inability to decide where to scatter the ashes, even after three years, introduces the central motif of carrying burdens, both literal and figurative. The description of the box jostling alongside groceries—“smell of lemons, breakfast rolls”—lends an air of ordinariness to the surreal, highlighting how life moves forward even as grief lingers.

The speaker’s friend, who recounts this story, provides a counterpoint to his mother’s unresolved mourning. He admits he “never liked his father” but claims to have made peace before his father’s death. His declaration—“he carries what he can and discards the rest”—suggests a pragmatic approach to emotional burdens. Yet, his fixation on the women walking by, observed by the speaker with detached amusement, hints at a deeper, unspoken loneliness. This dynamic—friends sharing time and space, each privately consumed by their own histories—forms the emotional core of the poem.

The speaker’s reflections deepen the narrative, introducing her estranged father and the lasting scars of a childhood shaped by his cruelty. She imagines him now, frail and cared for by another woman, a possibility that elicits complex feelings: “Maybe this wife kisses him / goodnight, tells him she loves him, / actually means it.” The juxtaposition of her father’s destructive past with the image of his gentle present underscores the dissonance between memory and reality. The question of forgiveness arises—“if he asks forgiveness, what could I say?”—but remains unanswered, left to echo in the silence.

The poem’s strength lies in its understated emotional resonance. Laux avoids sentimentality, instead grounding the narrative in tactile details—the smell of groceries, the swish of summer skirts, the imagined ashes of both fathers. These details tether the poem to the physical world, even as it grapples with intangible questions of love, loss, and forgiveness. The casual setting of the cafe, where the speaker and her friend sit and talk, becomes a microcosm of their shared yet unspoken grief. The women passing by serve as a reminder of life’s fleeting beauty, a contrast to the weight of the past that both characters carry.

The title, "What We Carry," encapsulates the poem’s central inquiry: how do we navigate the emotional baggage of our lives? The speaker’s friend carries his father’s ashes metaphorically, while his mother literally carries them in her car. The speaker, in turn, carries the memory of her father’s cruelty, a burden as heavy as the ashes she imagines she might one day hold. Each character’s burden is unique, yet their shared human experience connects them.

The poem concludes on a note of quiet resignation. The speaker listens to her friend’s story “without judgment or surprise,” taking it in as one might take in the weather or the passing of time. This acceptance mirrors her observation of the women walking by—“simply a given, as unexceptional as conversation.” The final lines, with their mention of “the relative comfort of silence,” suggest that while the burdens we carry may never be fully resolved, there is solace in companionship and understanding.

Laux’s deliberate, unadorned language amplifies the poem’s emotional impact. Her use of enjambment creates a natural rhythm, mirroring the flow of conversation and thought. The absence of dramatic revelations or tidy conclusions reflects the complexities of real life, where forgiveness and closure often remain elusive.

In "What We Carry," Laux masterfully captures the quiet, persistent weight of memory and grief. Through its nuanced portrayal of friendship and familial estrangement, the poem invites readers to reflect on their own burdens, offering the reassurance that, in the face of life’s uncertainties, shared understanding can provide a measure of relief.

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