Classic and Contemporary Poetry: Explained

"My Father's Diary (1)" by Sharon Olds is a deeply introspective and intimate poem that captures the speaker's exploration of her father's past through his diary. The poem juxtaposes the mundane details of daily life with the profound emotions and revelations of a young man in love. Through this exploration, Olds delves into themes of memory, discovery, and the desire for understanding and connection across generations.

The poem begins with the speaker getting into bed with her father's diary, an act that symbolizes intimacy and a willingness to delve into personal history. The metaphor of "spring[ing] the scarab legs of its locks" suggests the unlocking of secrets or hidden aspects of her father's life. The scarab, an ancient symbol of protection and transformation, hints at the potential for uncovering significant insights or transformations through this exploration.

As the speaker reads, she notes the "stacked, shy wealth of his print," indicating that her father wrote in block letters rather than cursive, which she describes as "the beamwork of printedness." This choice of writing style suggests a certain straightforwardness or formality, perhaps indicative of her father's personality or the era in which he grew up. The diary entries document ordinary events: looking at cars, family dinners, trying out new tennis racquets, and lunches with his mother. These entries paint a picture of a life of relative ease and normalcy.

The narrative shifts with the introduction of "LOIS," a figure who clearly had a profound impact on her father. The repetition of Lois's name marks a change in the tone and content of the diary. The entries begin to focus on activities with Lois, highlighting a burgeoning relationship. The intensity of her father's feelings becomes evident in the entry, "LOIS! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! SHE IS SO GOOD, SO SWEET, SO GENEROUS, I HAVE NEVER, WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE TO DESERVE SUCH A GIRL?" This exclamation reveals a depth of emotion and admiration, a stark contrast to the more mundane entries that preceded it.

Olds uses rich imagery to convey the emotional landscape of her father's entries. The phrase "Between the dark legs of the capitals, moonlight, soft tines of the printed letter gentled apart" evokes a sense of tenderness and reverence. The description of "nectar drawn from serif" suggests that the speaker is extracting the essence of her father's emotions and experiences from the written words. This poetic language contrasts with the simple, practical nature of the diary entries, emphasizing the transformative power of love and memory.

The speaker reflects on this portrayal of her father, seeing him as "the self of the grown boy pouring out, the heart's charge, the fresh man kneeling in pine-needle weave, worshipping her." This image of her father as a young man, vulnerable and deeply in love, provides a new perspective on him. It is a portrayal of her father that she may not have known, showing him as someone capable of deep affection and gratitude.

The poem concludes with a poignant realization: "It was my father good, it was my father grateful, it was my father dead, who had left me these small structures of his young brain." The speaker acknowledges the complexity of her father's identity—his goodness, his gratitude, and the finality of his death. The diary becomes a testament to his desire for connection and understanding, as it is a means through which he wanted someone, perhaps especially his daughter, to know him.

"My Father's Diary (1)" captures the delicate process of uncovering and understanding the hidden facets of a loved one's past. Sharon Olds portrays the discovery of her father's diary as a journey into the emotional depths of his youth, revealing a side of him that is tender and introspective. The poem reflects on the universal human desire to be understood and remembered, and the bittersweet nature of discovering the humanity and vulnerabilities of those we have lost. Through her evocative and sensitive portrayal, Olds invites readers to consider the complex legacies of love, memory, and family.

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