Classic and Contemporary Poetry: Explained

Alicia Suskin Ostriker’s poem "In the Twenty-Fifth Year of Marriage, It Goes On: 1" delves into the raw complexities of a long-term relationship, exposing the turbulent emotions and difficult truths that often lie beneath the surface of married life. The poem explores themes of blame, conflict, self-identity, and the intricate dynamics between partners who have spent decades together. Through its conversational tone and vivid, often shocking imagery, Ostriker presents a candid and unapologetic portrayal of the struggles and intensity that come with sustained intimacy.

The opening line sets the stage for a confrontational yet revealing exchange: "Damn it, honey, neither one of us is the victim of the other one, how about admitting that for starters?" This declaration immediately strips away any pretense, rejecting the idea that either partner can claim martyrdom in their relationship. The speaker’s frustration is palpable, and the question invites a reckoning, a challenge to the cyclical pattern of blame and resentment that may have built up over the years. By beginning the poem with this line, Ostriker captures the essence of long-term relationships—where arguments and misunderstandings are inevitable, but where the deeper truth of shared responsibility must be faced.

The speaker then imagines taking their respective "masks"—the "Jewish mama tragedy mask" and the "white man passionate scientist mask"—and discarding them. These masks symbolize the roles and identities that the couple has assumed, possibly as coping mechanisms or as ways to navigate their marriage. The speaker’s desire to set aside these masks hints at the exhaustion that comes with performing these roles and the longing for authenticity, for a relationship unburdened by the expectations and identities they have constructed over time.

The poem’s tone shifts dramatically when the speaker recounts a harrowing moment of conflict: the partner, after behaving in a bullying manner, is met with the speaker’s muttered suggestion, "Why don’t you kill yourself." This brutally candid admission underscores the intensity of their arguments and the deep wounds that can be inflicted in moments of anger and pain. What follows is the partner’s impulsive, seemingly suicidal act of throwing himself out of a third-story window. The speaker’s disbelief and horror are evident in the retelling, as they note the unexpected presence of a roof beneath the window, saving their partner from serious harm: "but I didn’t / know that, did you?"

This moment of extreme drama is followed by the speaker’s reflection on their own desire for melodrama, admitting, "Melodramatic, I always wanted to live the artist's melodramatic life." The speaker acknowledges a fascination with the heightened emotions and extreme actions often associated with artistic expression, revealing a longing for intensity and perhaps a way of escaping the ordinary or the mundane aspects of marriage. The imagined scenario of having "the knife in my teeth" and being "the star" of the drama suggests a desire for control and empowerment, to be the one who takes bold, decisive action, while their partner becomes "the horrified one."

Ostriker’s poem captures the messy, unpredictable, and sometimes dangerous emotional terrain of marriage. The dramatic incident at the window, followed by the speaker’s reflections on melodrama, reveals the couple’s capacity to hurt one another deeply, yet also suggests a kind of resilience. The fact that the speaker can laugh, "her horse teeth sticking out," after such a tumultuous event, points to the dark humor and survival instinct that can emerge in long relationships. This laughter, though seemingly incongruous, may be a way of coping with the absurdity and intensity of their situation.

"In the Twenty-Fifth Year of Marriage, It Goes On: 1" is a bold and unflinching exploration of marital conflict, filled with moments of vulnerability, anger, and even absurdity. Ostriker presents a relationship that, despite its volatility, endures—driven not by idealized love but by the raw, complex emotions that bind two people together over time. Through its frank language and striking imagery, the poem offers an honest portrayal of the emotional extremes that can define a long marriage, revealing both the pain and the resilience that coexist within it.

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