Classic and Contemporary Poetry: Explained

Robert Creeley’s "If I Had My Way" is an evocative and reflective poem that explores themes of memory, longing, love, and the reconciliation between past and present. The poem unfolds as a meditation on the speaker’s ideal vision of life—a vision where fears and uncertainties are replaced by the simplicity and stability of cherished memories and an enduring connection with a loved one. Creeley’s use of conversational language and vivid imagery invites the reader into a deeply personal reflection on the passage of time, the persistence of memory, and the desire to create a sense of continuity between generations.

The poem opens with the speaker’s conditional statement: "If I had my way, dear, / all these fears, these insistent blurs / of discontent would fade." This phrase introduces a hypothetical longing for a world free from fear and discontent. The term “insistent blurs” suggests a constant, nagging unease that clouds the speaker’s present reality. By expressing a desire for these negative feelings to “fade,” the speaker hints at an underlying tension between past contentment and present unease. The use of “dear” addresses a loved one directly, establishing an intimate, almost confessional tone from the outset.

The speaker then contrasts these fears with an idyllic vision: "and there be old-time meadows / with brown and white cows, / and those boulders, still in mind, / marked the solid world." The imagery of “old-time meadows” and cows evokes a pastoral, nostalgic scene reminiscent of an unspoiled rural past. The reference to boulders that “marked the solid world” emphasizes a sense of stability and permanence in this memory, suggesting that these elements serve as anchors in a world that otherwise feels uncertain or transient. By situating the speaker’s ideal vision within the landscape of childhood or earlier memories, Creeley underscores the significance of these scenes as touchstones of happiness and security.

The speaker expresses a desire to share these memories: "I’d show you these / ridiculous, simple happinesses, / the wonders I’ve kept hold on to / steady the world—." The use of the word “ridiculous” conveys a sense of humility or self-awareness about the simplicity of these joys, while simultaneously affirming their importance. The speaker’s choice to hold on to these memories in order to “steady the world” suggests that these recollections provide a sense of balance and grounding amid the complexities of life. There is an implicit recognition that these small, “ridiculous” moments hold a deeper significance for the speaker and serve as a counterbalance to the fears and discontent mentioned earlier.

The poem then shifts to a list of specific memories: "the brook, the woods, the paths, / the clouds, the house I lived in, / with the big barn with my father’s sign on it: / FOUR WINDS FARM." These detailed images evoke a sense of place and continuity, connecting the speaker’s past to the present. The mention of “FOUR WINDS FARM” as a named location suggests a place with its own history and significance, tied to the speaker’s father and, by extension, to the speaker’s identity. This connection to the family home reinforces the theme of inheritance—not just of property, but of memories, values, and experiences.

Creeley reflects on the nature of life and legacy in the line, "What life ever is stays in them." This statement implies that the essence of life is preserved in these memories and places, even as time moves forward. By grounding the abstract concept of “life” in tangible images, the speaker suggests that the past remains a part of the present, serving as a source of continuity and meaning.

The poem then addresses the loved one’s youth: "You’re young, like they say. / Your life still comes to find me—my honor its choice." The speaker acknowledges the loved one’s youth and suggests that their lives are connected across different stages of time. The phrase “your life still comes to find me” conveys a sense of ongoing connection, where the speaker’s life and the loved one’s life intersect and influence each other. By describing this connection as an “honor,” the speaker expresses gratitude and reverence for the bond they share, recognizing it as something meaningful and significant.

Creeley shifts to a present moment of introspection: "Here is the place we live in day by day, / to learn love, having it, to begin again again." This line emphasizes the ongoing nature of love and learning, suggesting that love is not a static state but an active, continuous process of renewal. The repetition of “again” reinforces the idea of persistence and resilience, as if the act of loving requires a constant recommitment and effort.

The speaker then reflects on the merging of the loved one with their surroundings: "Looking up, this sweet room with its colors, its forms, / has become you— / as my own life finds its way to you also." This description of the room becoming the loved one conveys a sense of deep intimacy and unity, where the boundaries between the external environment and the loved one blur. The phrase “as my own life finds its way to you also” suggests a mutual exchange and intertwining of lives, reinforcing the theme of interconnectedness.

The speaker expresses a desire to hold on and move forward, but ultimately recognizes the importance of letting go: "wants to haul all forward but learns to let go, / lets the presence of you be." This acknowledgment of letting go reflects an understanding that love requires allowing the loved one to exist as they are, without imposing one’s own desires or expectations. It conveys a sense of acceptance and trust in the natural progression of life and relationships.

In the final section, the speaker introduces a poignant reflection on the past: "If I had my way, dear, forever there’d be / a garden of roses— / on the old player piano was in the sitting room / you’ve never seen nor will now see." The image of the “garden of roses” evokes an idealized, romantic vision of permanence and beauty. However, the reference to the old player piano, which the loved one has never and will never see, highlights the distance between the speaker’s past and the loved one’s present. This juxtaposition suggests that, despite the speaker’s desire to preserve and share these memories, some aspects of the past remain inaccessible to the loved one.

The poem concludes with a reflection on the continuity of life: "nor my mother or father, or all that came after, / was a life lived, all the labor, the pain? / the deaths, the wars, the births of my children? / On and on then— / for you and for me." These lines acknowledge the passage of generations and the persistence of life’s struggles and joys. The speaker reflects on the cyclical nature of existence, where each generation experiences its own share of labor, pain, death, and new beginnings. The final phrase, “for you and for me,” suggests a shared responsibility to carry these experiences forward, honoring the past while embracing the present.

In "If I Had My Way," Robert Creeley explores the tension between memory and reality, between holding on and letting go. Through vivid imagery and intimate reflections, the poem conveys a deep sense of longing for simplicity, stability, and continuity in a world marked by change and uncertainty. Creeley’s portrayal of memory as a source of grounding and connection invites readers to reflect on their own experiences of love, loss, and the passage of time, ultimately suggesting that life’s meaning is found in the persistence of love and the resilience of memory.

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