Classic and Contemporary Poetry: Explained

Rachel Hadas's poem "Mom and Dad" offers a tender reflection on the complexities of kinship, friendship, and the meanings we attach to familial titles. Through the innocent interactions of children and the contemplations of adults, the poem explores how names like "Mom" and "Dad" carry deep emotional significance, even when used outside their traditional contexts.

The poem begins with the speaker noticing that her son’s friend, Ethan, refers to her as "Mom" and her husband as "Dad." This occurrence is both amusing and disconcerting to the parents, highlighting the fluidity with which children can adopt and adapt social roles: "Ethan the neighbors' boy, his summer friend / routinely when he speaks to me says Mom. / My husband's Dad." The speaker wonders what parents should do in such situations, feeling a mix of amusement and discomfort.

The act of answering to these names, though seemingly minor, carries weight: "Matter-of-factly answering to a name / stamps it with confirmation: Here I am." The poem suggests that by accepting these titles, the parents unintentionally validate Ethan’s use of them, even if it feels slightly off: "Feebly we take the path of least resistance / and acquiesce, though not without insistence / that these may not be quite the terms to use / to us." This nuanced response shows the tension between maintaining boundaries and embracing the innocence of a child’s perspective.

Hadas delves into the possible motivations behind Ethan’s choice of words. She speculates whether Ethan might harbor unmet yearnings despite having his own parents: "Does Ethan harbor yearnings long unmet? / He has two parents—we're not surrogate." The speaker reflects on the nature of Ethan’s parents, describing them as "pleasant, self-contained, seem very ... nice." This ambivalence in description suggests a certain detachment or lack of deeper connection, which might explain Ethan's casual adoption of additional parental figures.

The poem then shifts to consider the broader implications of these borrowed names: "But words betray us, quailing before fact / (neighbor; parent) or compelled to act / as knowledge that can never quite suffice." The adults are left pondering the gap between the simple act of naming and the deeper meanings it carries. Ethan’s casual use of "Mom" and "Dad" is contrasted with the adults' more guarded and complex understanding of these roles.

Hadas highlights the innocence and necessity of such names for children: "For children, words mean more than what they say, / for adults less; our interest turns away." The disparity between the child's and adult's perspective on naming underscores how words can be both meaningful and mundane. Ethan’s need to call the speaker "Mom" is a simple, practical solution to a social need, yet it also holds deeper significance: "Ethan needs to call us something, so / here are two syllables all set to go."

The poem concludes with a reflection on the enduring value of these names: "What is contained in those two syllables? / It's what is in the eye of the beholder, / too precious to disclaim as I grow older." The speaker recognizes that the names "Mom" and "Dad" symbolize love and security, qualities that children take for granted. As she ages, the speaker cherishes these names more, aware that they represent a bond that transcends the simple act of naming.

Hadas closes with a poignant anticipation of the future: "That single fact my son's not yet outgrown, / and just what Ethan's claiming for his own: love." The poet acknowledges the pure, unclaimed portion of love that these names represent. She imagines a future conversation with her son, reminiscing about when Ethan used to call her "Mom," encapsulating a moment of shared history and affection that endures despite the passage of time.

In "Mom and Dad," Rachel Hadas beautifully captures the innocence and depth of childhood interactions, the nuances of naming, and the enduring power of familial love. The poem is a meditation on how simple words can carry profound emotional significance, reflecting both the fluidity and the permanence of human relationships.

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