Classic and Contemporary Poetry: Explained

Anne Sexton's poem "To Like, To Love" is a complex exploration of the ambiguous and often contradictory nature of love, embodied in the figure of Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love and beauty. Through vivid imagery and a narrative that shifts between admiration, confusion, and disillusionment, Sexton delves into the tension between the idealized notions of love and the more pragmatic, sometimes disappointing realities of human relationships. The poem wrestles with the difference between liking and loving, as well as the difficulty of truly understanding and embodying love in its fullest form.

The poem begins with an invocation to Aphrodite, who is referred to as "my Cape Town lady, / my mother, my daughter." This dual identification of Aphrodite as both mother and daughter highlights the goddess's multifaceted nature and suggests a deep, personal connection between the speaker and the divine figure. The reference to Cape Town, a city in South Africa, hints at a complex, perhaps colonial, history, intertwining themes of love, race, and global politics. The speaker admits to being "of your same sex / goggling on your right side," indicating both proximity and a sense of awe or incomprehension in the face of Aphrodite’s grandeur.

Sexton then imagines Aphrodite in contrasting images: "Nordic and six foot tall," "masked and blood-mouthed," yet also tender, surrounded by "kittens and puppies" and subscribing to "five ecological magazines." These juxtapositions emphasize the conflicting aspects of love—its capacity for both violence and tenderness, its idealization and its grounding in everyday realities. The reference to "sifting all the blacks out of South Africa / onto a Free-Ship" suggests a longing for justice and equality, yet the line "kissing them all like candy, / liking them all, but love? Who knows?" introduces doubt about the sincerity or depth of this affection. This tension between liking and loving becomes a central theme in the poem, questioning the superficiality of gestures that might appear loving but lack true emotional depth.

The speaker then turns inward, asking Aphrodite to "inspect my heart / and name its pictures." This plea reflects a desire for clarity and understanding of one’s own emotions, seeking validation or insight from the goddess. However, when the speaker peers into Aphrodite’s heart, the vision is of "all your children sitting around a campfire." This scene of communal warmth and comfort quickly turns unsettling as the speaker, one of these metaphorical children, witnesses Aphrodite's sudden breakdown: "you start to cry, / you fall down into a huddle, / you are sick." The reaction of the children is telling: instead of rushing to comfort the goddess, "we all walk softly away." This moment underscores the theme of disillusionment—when faced with the vulnerability and imperfection of the idealized figure of love, the instinct is not to nurture but to withdraw.

Sexton articulates the paradox of love with the line "It is love that walks away / and yet we have terrible mouths / and soft milk hands." Love is depicted as something that can both nourish and harm, something that can offer comfort yet also retreat when faced with the complexities of true emotional connection. The image of "soft milk hands" suggests gentleness and care, while "terrible mouths" implies the potential for cruelty or harsh words. This duality reflects the inherent contradictions in human relationships, where love and like are often intertwined with fear, confusion, and inadequacy.

The poem’s final stanzas further explore the speaker’s ambivalence toward Aphrodite. The goddess, though revered, is ultimately described as "no one. / Not ours." Despite her grandiosity and the expectation that she embodies perfect love, she is revealed as "someone soft who plays / the piano on Mondays and Fridays / and examines our murders for flaws." This demystification of Aphrodite suggests that even the goddess of love is fallible, ordinary, and disconnected from the real emotional needs of her followers. The question "Blond lady, / do you love us, love us, love us?" is a desperate plea for affirmation, yet it is met with a muted, ironic response: "As I love America, you might mutter," implying a kind of distant, impersonal affection that lacks true intimacy or commitment.

In "To Like, To Love," Anne Sexton challenges the reader to reconsider the meanings of love and like, especially in the context of idealized figures like Aphrodite. The poem suggests that love is not always the grand, all-encompassing force it is often portrayed to be, but rather a complex, sometimes contradictory emotion that can be as much about distance and disillusionment as it is about connection and care. Through her nuanced exploration of these themes, Sexton offers a powerful reflection on the limits of love and the ways in which we grapple with its imperfections.

Copyright (c) 2025 PoetryExplorer

Discover our Poem Explanations and Poet Analyses!

Other Poems of Interest...