Classic and Contemporary Poetry: Explained

Charles Harper Webb’s "Conan the Barbarian" is a humorous, subversive take on Robert E. Howard’s famous character, imagining the sword-wielding warrior as a domesticated, suit-wearing traveler attempting to navigate the banalities of modern life. Through irony, juxtaposition, and deadpan absurdity, Webb explores the tension between the untamed past and the constrained present, highlighting both the absurdity of civilization and the enduring appeal of primal instincts.

The poem opens with an immediate contradiction: "Conan the Barbarian waited politely, in his best suit, for his turn to board the Greyhound, L.A.-bound." The image of Conan—a symbol of brute strength and savagery—dressed in formal attire and patiently waiting in line is inherently comedic. The choice of setting, a Greyhound bus, grounds the poem in the mundane, contrasting sharply with Conan’s traditional world of epic battles and mythical lands. By placing him on a budget intercity bus rather than a battlefield, Webb signals that Conan has been tamed by modern civilization, his legendary status reduced to that of an ordinary commuter.

Once aboard, Conan "picked two seats toward the rear, sprawled over both, and faked deep sleep." The phrase "sitting pretty" adds to the humor, implying that Conan, once a relentless warrior, now uses mundane tricks to secure extra space rather than brute force. His cunning strategy—pretending to be asleep—suggests that he has adapted to modern inconveniences but in a way that still reflects his competitive, survivalist instincts.

Webb then presents the full extent of Conan’s assimilation: "Conan had gone civilized. He didn’t miss Stygian ale. He didn’t miss Red Sonja, or Belit, queen of the Black Coast." The loss of these figures—his warrior allies and lovers—implies that Conan has traded adventure for comfort. His new attachments, "MasterCard, The Tonight Show, Money Magazine," are markers of modern consumer culture and mass media, reinforcing the absurdity of his transformation. Instead of wielding his sword in combat, Conan now wields credit and financial literacy, fully engaged with capitalist society. The invocation of The Tonight Show adds a further layer of irony, suggesting that even a once-mighty barbarian has succumbed to late-night television and passive entertainment.

However, this assimilation is not without frustration. When Conan attempts to use his "reading light," it fails him. He tries the one above his extra seat, and still, "nothing." In contrast, "all over the bus, happy people were switching on their reading lights, settling back to pass the long hours profitably, pleasurably, while he sat swathed in gloom." This moment is key: despite his efforts to integrate into modern society, Conan remains at odds with it. The word "profitably" underscores the modern emphasis on self-improvement and efficiency, a stark contrast to the heroic, instinct-driven existence he once knew. The phrase "swathed in gloom" is both literal and figurative, emphasizing his frustration at being excluded from even the simple pleasure of reading.

The poem builds toward its climax as Conan realizes that there are no other empty seats, preventing him from switching places. In a moment of self-awareness, he declares, "Well, they can’t blame me this time," suggesting that in the past, his barbaric nature may have led to conflict. But here, the breakdown is external—modern technology, not his own brutality, is the source of his discomfort. Yet, rather than accept his fate passively, Conan reverts to his primal instincts: "Conan growled as he loosened his tie, stood, and reached into his golf bag for his sword." The comedic effect here is heightened by the juxtaposition of the mundane and the absurd. The phrase "loosened his tie" suggests that Conan has, up until this moment, attempted to conform to societal norms. But the retrieval of his sword—hidden in a golf bag, of all places—signals a return to his true self.

The ending is left open-ended. Does Conan wield his sword against the malfunctioning reading light, against the bus driver, or simply as a symbolic rejection of modernity? The ambiguity is part of the poem’s charm, allowing readers to imagine whether this is a moment of true rebellion or merely a humorous fantasy playing out in his mind.

"Conan the Barbarian" is a masterful blend of humor and social commentary, exploring the struggle between raw, untamed identity and the pressures of civilization. Webb cleverly repurposes a figure of myth and fantasy to critique the frustrations of modern life, from consumerism to bureaucratic inefficiencies. The poem suggests that no matter how much one tries to assimilate into the structures of contemporary society, there remains an underlying desire to break free, to reclaim a sense of primal agency. By the final image of Conan gripping his sword once more, Webb leaves us with a reminder that, despite all the suits, credit cards, and magazines, the barbarian within never truly disappears.

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