Classic and Contemporary Poetry: Explained

Charles Harper Webb’s "Tenderness in Men" examines the delicate, often repressed nature of male tenderness, exploring how it is both present and hidden, deeply felt yet rarely expressed. The poem juxtaposes strength and vulnerability, illustrating how male tenderness exists in tension with social conditioning that demands emotional restraint. Through vivid imagery and personal reflection, Webb conveys the difficulty men face in recognizing, accepting, and outwardly demonstrating tenderness, especially toward one another.

The poem opens with striking metaphors that contrast tenderness with objects associated with strength and solidity: It’s like plum custard at the heart of a steel girder, cool malted milk in a hot bowling ball. These comparisons highlight tenderness as something unexpected, concealed within hardness, something soft and rich hidden inside a structure of toughness. The descriptions suggest that tenderness in men is not absent but rather contained, existing within a framework designed to obscure it.

Webb then moves to fleeting moments where male tenderness becomes visible: It’s glimpsed sometimes when a man pats a puppy. The use of glimpsed emphasizes its rarity, suggesting that tenderness surfaces only in specific, socially permissible situations, such as interacting with animals. The poem then shifts to the private sphere, where if his wife moves softly, it may flutter like a hermit thrush into the bedroom, and pipe its pure, warbling tune. This image presents tenderness as something shy and delicate, capable of emerging in an intimate setting, but also easily scared away. The simile of the hermit thrush underscores its ephemeral nature, as the bird is known for its elusive presence and haunting song.

Yet, Webb warns of the dangers of acknowledging tenderness too openly. Comment, though, and it’s a moray jerking back into its cave. The sudden shift to a moray eel, a creature that instinctively retreats when threatened, suggests that tenderness in men is easily repressed when exposed. A simple acknowledgment or observation of it can cause it to vanish, illustrating the deep-seated discomfort men feel about their own vulnerability.

The poem then turns introspective, with Webb recalling his father’s lessons on emotional suppression. Dad taught me to hide tenderness like my ‘tallywhacker’—not to want or accept it from other men. The comparison between hiding tenderness and concealing one’s genitalia suggests that tenderness, like physical vulnerability, is seen as something shameful or private, something that should not be displayed openly. This line reinforces the idea that from an early age, men are conditioned to suppress emotional expression, particularly in interactions with other men.

Webb continues by describing the limited ways men can offer comfort to each other. All I can do for a friend in agony is turn my eyes and, pretending to clap him on the back, brace up his carapace with mine. The phrase turn my eyes suggests an aversion to direct emotional engagement, a reluctance to acknowledge suffering openly. Instead of embracing or verbally consoling a friend, he pretends to clap him on the back, using physical gestures as a substitute for emotional expression. The use of carapace—a hard protective shell—reinforces the idea that men are expected to maintain emotional armor even when supporting one another.

The final lines of the poem shift to a deeply personal moment, where the speaker experiences a rare and overwhelming instance of emotional connection. So, when you lean across the table and extend your hand, your brown eyes wanting only good for me, it’s no wonder my own eyes glow and swell too big for their sockets as, in my brain, dry gulleys start to flow. The extended hand symbolizes an offering of kindness, one that the speaker is unaccustomed to receiving. The phrase wanting only good for me underscores the purity of this gesture, one devoid of ulterior motives or expectations. The speaker’s emotional response—my own eyes glow and swell too big for their sockets—suggests that he is almost overwhelmed by this simple act of tenderness. The final image, dry gulleys start to flow, signifies a long-held emotional drought being unexpectedly relieved, as if suppressed feelings are finally being released.

"Tenderness in Men" is ultimately a meditation on the conflict between emotional expression and societal expectations of masculinity. Webb portrays male tenderness as something fragile, deeply ingrained yet difficult to access, often suppressed by learned behaviors that equate vulnerability with weakness. Through a blend of humor, nostalgia, and raw honesty, the poem illuminates the ways men struggle to express and receive tenderness, and how even the smallest gestures of kindness can have profound emotional significance.

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