I am the very model of a modern Major-General, I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral, I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical, From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical; I'm very well acquainted too with matters mathematical, I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical, About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news— With many cheerful facts about the square on the hypotenuse. I'm very good at integral and differential calculus, I know the scientific names of being animalculous; In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I'm the very model of a modern Major-General. I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's, I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox, I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus, In conics I can floor peculiarities parabulous. I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies, I know the croaking chorus from the @3Frogs@1 of Aristophanes, Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore, And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense @3Pinafore.@1 Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform, And tell you every detail of Caractacus' uniform; In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General. In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin," When I can tell at sight a chassepot rifle from a javelin, When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at, And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat," When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery, When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery: In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy, You'll say a better Major-Gener@3al@1 has never @3sat@1 a gee— For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury, Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century; But still in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I'm still the very model of a modern Major-General. |