I RESIDE at Table Mountain, and my name is Truthful James: I am not up to small deceit or any sinful games; And I'll tell in simple language what I know about the row That broke up our Society upon the Stanislow. But first I would remark, that 't is not a proper plan For any scientific gent to whale his fellow-man; And, if a member don't agree with his peculiar whim, To lay for that same member for to "put a head" on him. Now, nothing could be finer, or more beautiful to see, Than the first six months' proceedings of that same society; Till Brown of Calveras brought a lot of fossil bones That he found within a tunnel near the tene- ment of Jones. Then Brown he read a paper, and he reconstructed there, From those same bones, an animal that was ex- tremely rare; And Jones then asked the Chair for a suspen- sion of the rules, Till he could prove that those same bones was one of his lost mules. Then Brown he smiled a bitter smile, and said he was at fault; It seemed he had been trespassing on Jones's family vault; He was a most sarcastic man this quiet Mr. Brown, And on several occasions he had cleaned out the town. Now I hold it is not decent for a scientific gent To say another is an ass, -- at least, to all intent; Nor should the individual who happens to be meant Reply by heaving rocks at him to any great ex- tent. Then Abner Dean of Angel's raised a point of order, when A chunk of old red sandstone took him in the abdomen; And he smiled a kind of sickly smile, and curled upon the floor, And the subsequent proceedings interested him no more. For in less time than I write it, every member did engage In a warfare with the remnants of a palaeozoic age; And the way they heaved those fossils in their anger was a sin, Till the skull of an old mammoth caved the head of Thompson in. And this is all I have to say of these improper games, For I live at Table Mountain and my name is Truthful James, And I've told in simple language what I know about the row That broke up our Society upon the Stanislow. | Discover our Poem Explanations and Poet Analyses!Other Poems of Interest...THE PITY OF THE LEAVES by EDWIN ARLINGTON ROBINSON OUR STATE by JOHN GREENLEAF WHITTIER THE WEDDING DAY; OR, THE BUCCANEER'S CURSE; A FAMILY LEGEND by RICHARD HARRIS BARHAM GREENES FUNERALLS: SONNET 3 by RICHARD BARNFIELD A PASTORAL by EDMUND CHARLES BLUNDEN THE LOVE SONNETS OF PROTEUS: 42. FAREWELL TO JULIET (4) by WILFRID SCAWEN BLUNT FAREWELL TO A LOVER by VERA MARY BRITTAIN |