THAT'S VERMONT by DANIEL LEAVENS CADY

IF any stranger thinks Vermont
A place that goody-goodies haunt,
Where gusts and gales alike are sweet,
And flowers, as 'twere, pervade your feet;
Where trade is pure and undefiled
And folks are seldom rough or riled;
Where lovers stroll from knoll to knoll
And Matthew Arnold fills the soul;
Where deacons do their best to see
Nobody gets you up a tree;
Where people shrink from taking sides
And everybody, 'most, divides;
Where credit stretches out until
You "jump accounts" and pay your bill—
Jest let him move inside the state
And kinder fail to calculate;
Jest let him make a business slip,
And Boom! Bing! Bang! Wow! Wang! and Zip!

Before he knows jest where he's at
He's lost his wealth and health and hat;
His goods and merchandise are 'tached.
His headpiece and his honor scratched;
He's been so tongued and talked about
The Smart Street Church has thrown him out;
His lodge has warned him, and The Moose
Has hinted that he join The Goose;
His wife perceives the neighbors glum,
The butcher and his boy are dumb;
The hired girl declines to stay,
The dog and cat have run away;
They have it 'round his daughter, Fan,
Crocheted a scarf for Appelmann,
And that his son, by courthouse rule,
Is boarding at the Brandon school—
Let not your business footsteps trip,
Or Boom! Bing! Bang! Wow! Wang! and Zip!

But 'tisn't difficult to steer
So that these sounds avoid your ear;
I only mean and wish to say
That business goes the usual way;
Vermonters pay their debts and want
What's coming to 'em—that's Vermont;
And he whose reputat is fair,
Who lives and labors on the square,
Will find no notice on his door,
Nor hear the legal lion roar;
He'll shun the termination "or"
And cease to be a mortgagor;
He'll court that happy suffix "ee"
And make his moves as mortgagee;
He'll buy no more when paying ends
And keep his butcher, dog and friends,
He'll strike a careful, cautious clip,
Or Boom! Bing! Bang! Wow! Wang! and Zip!

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