I MAY as well Proceed to tell About a Mister Higgs, Who grew quite rich In trade -- the which Was selling pork and pigs. From trade retired, He much desired To rank with gentlefolk, So bought a place He called "The Chase," And furnished it -- old oak. Ancestors got (Twelve pounds the lot, In Tottenham Court Road); A pedigree -- For nine pounds three, -- The Heralds' Court bestowed. Within the hall, And on the wall, Hung armour bright and strong. "To Ethelbred" -- The label read -- "De Higgs, this did belong." 'Twas @3quite@1 complete, This country seat, Yet neighbours stayed away. Nobody called, -- Higgs was blackballed, -- Which caused him great dismay. "Why @3can@1 it be?" One night said he When thinking of it o'er. There came a knock ('Twas twelve o'clock) Upon his chamber door. Higgs cried, "Come in!" A vapour thin The keyhole wandered through. Higgs rubbed his eyes In mild surprise: A ghost appeared in view. "I beg," said he, "You'll pardon me, In calling rather late. A family ghost, I seek a post, With wage commensurate. "I'll serve you well; My 'fiendish yell' Is certain sure to please. 'Sepulchral tones,' And 'rattling bones,' I'm @3very@1 good at these. "Five bob I charge To roam at large, With 'clanking chains' @3ad lib.@1; I do such things As 'gibberings' At one-and-three per gib. "Or, by the week, I merely seek Two pounds -- which is not dear; Because I need, Of course, @3no@1 feed, @3No@1 washing, and @3no@1 beer." Higgs thought it o'er A bit, before He hired the family ghost, But, finally, He did agree To give to him the post. It got about -- You know, no doubt, How quickly such news flies -- Throughout the place, From "Higgses Chase" Proceeded ghostly cries. The rumour spread, Folks shook their head, But dropped in one by one. A bishop came (Forget his name), And then the thing was done. For afterwards @3All@1 left their cards, "Because," said they, "you see, One who can boast A family ghost Respectable @3must@1 be." When it was due, The "ghostes's" screw Higgs raised -- as was but right -- They often play, In friendly way, A game of cards at night. | Discover our Poem Explanations and Poet Analyses!Other Poems of Interest...TWO TREES IN KATHMANDU by KAREN SWENSON THE DIRTY OLD MAN by WILLIAM ALLINGHAM THE BRAVE OLD OAK by HENRY FOTHERGILL CHORLEY THE EXCHANGE by SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE TO A SKYLARK by PERCY BYSSHE SHELLEY THE CRICKET by FREDERICK GODDARD TUCKERMAN |