Politeness is a useful art Which all should cultivate with zest; It mollifies the hardest heart, And smoothes the savage breast; And even villains seem "all right," Who "smile and smile and are" -- polite! Then be as courteous as you can, Since fortunes often are bestowed On those who help some rich old man Across a slipp'ry road (He hastens home, unfolds his will, And adds a grateful codicil). My cousin John was most polite. He led shortsighted Mrs. Bond, By accident, one winter's night Into a village pond. Her life perhaps he might have saved But how genteelly he behaved! Each time she rose and waved to him He smiled and bowed and doffed his hat; Thought he, although I cannot swim, At least I can do that -- And when for the third time she sank He stood bareheaded on the bank. When female friends you chance to see, Your hat should be removed in haste; Bareheaded you must either be, Or else be deemed barefaced. The breeze that whistles through your hair Is music to each lady fair. If bald or apt to catch a cold, Pray imitate my Uncle Fred Who always wears -- or so I'm told -- Two hats upon his head. With one his homage he performs. His scalp meanwhile the other warms. With health and comfort thus ensured, He waves his beaver in his hand, -- Its undulating brim beneath secured By an elastic band. (Good title for a novel, that: -- @3The Uncle with the Secret Hat.)@1 Be civil, then, to young and old; Especially to persons who Possess a quantity of gold Which they might leave to you. The more they have, it seems to me, The more polite you ought to be. |