HERE's a choice set of Tools for you, g'emmen and ladies, They'll fit you quite handy, whatever your trade is; (Except it be @3Cabinet-making@1 -- I doubt In that delicate service they're rather worn out; Though their owner, bright youth! if he'd had his own will, Would have bungled away with them joyously still.) You can see they've been pretty well @3hack'd@1 -- and alack! What tool is there job after job will not hack? Their edge is but dullish, it must be confess'd, And their temper, like E ---- nb'r ---- h's none of the best, But you'll find them good hard-working Tools, upon trying, Were 't but for their @3brass@1 they are well worth the buying; They're famous for making @3blinds, sliders@1, and @3screens@1, And they're, some of them, excellent @3turning@1 machines! The first Tool I'll put up (they call it a @3Chancellor@1) Heavy concern to both purchaser and seller -- Though made of pig iron, yet worthy of note 'tis, 'T is ready to @3melt@1 at a half minute's notice. Who bids? Gentle buyer! 'twill turn as thou shapest -- 'T will make a good thumbscrew to torture a Papist; Or else a cramp-iron, to stick in the wall Of some church that old women are fearful will fall; Or better, perhaps (for I'm guessing at random), A heavy @3drag-chain@1 for some lawyer's old @3Tandem@1 Will nobody bid? It is cheap, I am sure, sir -- Once, twice, going, going, thrice, gone! -- it is yours, sir. To pay ready money you sha'n't be distress'd, As a @3bill@1 at @3long date@1 suits the Chancellor best. Come, where's the next Tool? -- Oh! 'tis here in a trice -- This implement, gemmen, at first was a @3Vice@1 (A tenacious and close sort of Tool, that will let Nothing out of its grasp it once happens to get), But it since has received a new coating of @3Tin@1, Bright enough for a prince to behold himself in! Come, what shall we say for it? briskly! bid on, We'll the sooner get rid of it -- going -- quite gone! God be with it, such tools, if not quickly knock'd down, Might at last cost their owner -- how much? why a @3Crown!@1 The next Tool I'll set up has hardly had handsel or Trial as yet, and is @3also@1 a Chancellor -- Such dull things as these should be sold by the gross; Yet, dull as it is, 'twill be found to @3shave close@1, And like @3other@1 close shavers, some courage to gather, This @3blade@1 first began by a flourish on @3leather!@1 You shall have it for nothing -- then marvel with me At the terrible @3tinkering@1 work there must be, Where a tool such as this is (I'll leave you to judge it) Is placed by ill luck at the top of @3the Budget!@1 | Discover our Poem Explanations and Poet Analyses!Other Poems of Interest...ODE TO EVENING by WILLIAM COLLINS (1721-1759) CINQUAIN: NOVEMBER NIGHT by ADELAIDE CRAPSEY LYRICS TO IANTHE (2). LAMENT by WALTER SAVAGE LANDOR THE BUOY-BELL by CHARLES TENNYSON TURNER EPITAPHS by THOMAS BAILEY ALDRICH |