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Classic and Contemporary Poetry

A BENEDICT'S APPEAL TO A BACHELOR by JOHN GODFREY SAXE

First Line: DEAR CHARLES, BE PERSUADED TO WED
Last Line: T IS SINGULAR YOU SHOULD BE SINGLE!
Subject(s): MARRIAGE; SINGLE PEOPLE; WEDDINGS; HUSBANDS; WIVES; BACHELORS; UNMARRIED PEOPLE;
I.

DEAR CHARLES, be persuaded to wed, --
For a sensible fellow like you,
It's high time to think of a bed,
And muffins and coffee for two!
So have done with your doubt and delaying, --
With a soul so adapted to mingle,
No wonder the neighbors are saying
'T is singular you should be single!

II.

Don't say that you have n't got time,
That business demands your attention,
There's not the least reason nor rhyme
In the wisest excuse you can mention.
Don't tell me about "other fish," --
Your duty is done when you buy 'em;
And you never will relish the dish,
Unless you've a woman to fry 'em!

III.

Don't listen to querulous stories
By desperate damsels related,
Who sneer at connubial glories,
Because they've known couples mismated.
Such people, if they had their pleasure,
Because silly bargains are made,
Would deem it a rational measure
To lay an embargo on trade!

IV.

You may dream of poetical fame,
But your wishes may chance to miscarry;
The best way of sending one's name
To posterity, Charles, is to marry!
And here I am willing to own,
After soberly thinking upon it,
I'd very much rather be known
For a beautiful son, than a sonnet!

V.

To Procrastination be deaf
(A homily sent from above), --
The scoundrel's not only "the thief
Of time," but of beauty and love!
Oh, delay not one moment to win
A prize that is truly worth winning:
Celibacy, Charles, is a sin,
And sadly prolific of sinning!

VI.

Then pray bid your doubting good-by,
And dismiss all fantastic alarms.
I'll be sworn you've a girl in your eye
'T is your duty to have in your arms!
Some trim little maiden of twenty,
A beautiful, azure-eyed elf,
With virtues and graces in plenty,
And no failing but loving yourself!

VII.

Don't search for "an angel" a minute;
For granting you win in the sequel,
The deuce, after all, would be in it,
With a union so very unequal!
The angels, it must be confessed,
In this world are rather uncommon;
And allow me, dear Charles, to suggest
You'll be better content with a woman!

VIII.

I could furnish a bushel of reasons
For choosing a conjugal mate:
It agrees with all climates and seasons,
And gives you a "double estate"!
To one's parents 't is (gratefully) due, --
Just think what a terrible thing
'T would have been, sir, for me and for you,
If ours had forgotten the ring!

IX.

Then there's the economy -- clear,
By poetical algebra shown, --
If your wife has a grief or a fear,
One half, by the law, is your own!
And as to the joys -- by division,
They're nearly quadrupled, 'it is said
(Though I never could see the addition
Quite plain in the item of bread).

X.

Remember, I do not pretend
There's anything "perfect" about it,
But this I'll aver to the end,
Life's very imperfect without it.
'T is not that there's "poetry" in it, --
As, doubtless, there may be to those
Endowed with a genius to win it, --
But I'll warrant you excellent prose!

XI.

Then, Charles, be persuaded to wed, --
For a sensible fellow like you,
It's high time to think of a bed,
And muffins and coffee for two;
So have done with your doubt and delaying, --
With a soul so adapted to mingle,
No wonder the neighbors are saying
'T is singular you should be single!



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