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A DEFECTIVE SANTA CLAUS by JAMES WHITCOMB RILEY

Poet Analysis

First Line: ALLUS WHEN OUR PA HE'S AWAY
Last Line: "TRIP BARK' TWO TIMES 'FORE IT'S ""A-MEN!"
Subject(s): CHILDREN; CHRISTMAS; FAMILY LIFE; SANTA CLAUS; CHILDHOOD; NATIVITY, THE; RELATIVES; NICHOLAS, SAINT;
@3Little Boy! Halloo! -- halloo!
Can't you hear me calling you? --
Little Boy that used to be,
Come in here and play with me.@1

ALLUS when our Pa he's away
Nen Uncle Sidney comes to stay
At our house here -- so Ma an' me
An' Etty an' Lee-Bob won't be
Afeard ef anything at night
Might happen -- like Ma says it might.
(Ef @3Trip@1 wuz @3big,@1 I bet you he
'Uz best watch-dog you ever see!)
An' so last winter -- ist before
It's go' be Chris'mus-Day -- w'y, shore
Enough, Pa had to haf to go
To 'tend a lawsuit -- "An' the snow
Ist right fer Santy Claus!" Pa said,
As he clumb in old Ayersuz sled,
An' said he's sorry @3he@1 can't be
With us that night -- "'Cause," he-says-ee,
"Old Santy @3might@1 be comin' here --
This very night of all the year
@3I'@1 got to be away! -- so all
You kids must tell him -- ef he call --
He's mighty welcome, an' yer Pa
He left his love with you an' Ma
An' Uncle Sid!" An' clucked, an' leant
Back, laughin' -- an' away they went!
An' Uncle wave' his hands an' yells
"Yer old horse ort to have on bells!"
But Pa yell back an' laugh an' say
"I 'spect when @3Santy@1 come this way
It's time enough for sleighbells nen!"
An' holler back "Good-by!" again,
An' reach out with the driver's whip
An' cut behind an' drive back Trip.

An' so all day it snowed an' snowed!
An' Lee-Bob he ist watched the road,
In his high-chair; an' Etty she
'Ud play with Uncle Sid an' me --
Like she wuz he'ppin' fetch in wood
An' keepin' old fire goin' good,
Where Ma she wuz a-cookin' there
In kitchen, too, an' ever'where!
An' Uncle say, "'At's ist the way
Yer Ma's b'en workin', night an' day,
Sence she hain't big as Etty is
Er lee-Bob in that chair o' his!"
Nen Ma she'd laugh 't what Uncle said,
An' smack an' smoove his old bald head
An' say "Clear out the way till I
Can keep that pot from b'ilin' dry!"
Nen Uncle, when she's gone back to
The kitchen, says, "We @3ust@1 to do
Some cookin' in the @3ashes. -- Say,@1
S'posin' we try some, thataway!"
An' nen he send us to tell Ma
Send two big 'taters in he saw
Pa's b'en a-keepin' 'cause they got
The premium at the Fair! An' what
You think? -- He rake a grea'-big hole
In the hot ashes, an' he roll
Them old big 'taters in the place
An' rake the coals back -- an' his face
Ist swettin' so's he purt' nigh swear
"Cause it's so hot! An' when they're there
"Bout time 'at we fergit 'em, he
Ist rake 'em out again -- an' @3gee!@1 --
He bu'st 'em with his fist wite on
A' old stove-led, while Etty's gone
To git the salt, an' butter, too --
Ist like he said she haf to do,
No matter what @3Ma@1 say! An' so
He salt an' butter 'em, an' blow
'Em cool enough fer us to eat --
An' @3me@1-o-@3my!@1 they're hard to beat!
An' Trip 'ud ist lay there an' pant
Like he'd laugh @3out loud,@1 but he can't.
Nen Uncle fill his pipe -- an' we
"Ud he'p him light it -- Sis an' me, --
But mostly little Lee-Bob, 'cause
"He's the best @3Lighter@1 ever wuz!"
Like Uncle telled him wunst when Lee-Bob
cried an' jerked the light from me,
He wuz so mad! So Uncle pat
An' pet him (Lee-Bob's ust to that --
"Cause he's the @3little@1-est, you know,
An' allus has b'en humored so!)
Nen Uncle gits the flat-arn out,
An', while he's tellin' us all 'bout
Old Chris'mus-times when @3he's@1 a kid,
He ist cracked hickernuts, he did,
Till they's a crockful, mighty nigh!
An' when they're all done by an' by,
He raked the red coals out again
An' telled me, "Fetch that popcorn in,
An' old three-leggud skillut -- an'
The @3led@1 an' all now, little man, --
An' yer old Uncle here 'ull show
You how corn's popped, long years ago
When me an' Santy Claus wuz boys
On Pap's old place in Illinoise! --
An' your Pa, too, wuz chums, all through,
With Santy! -- Wisht Pa'd be here, too!"
Nen Uncle sigh at Ma, an' she
Pat him again, an' say to me
An' Etty, -- "You take warning fair! --
Don't talk too much, like Uncle there,
Ner don't fergit, like @3him,@1 my dears,
That 'little pitchers has big ears!'"
But Uncle say to her, "Clear out! --
Yer brother knows what he's about. --
@3You@1 git your Chris'mus-cookin' done
Er these pore children won't have none!"
Nen Trip wake' up an' raise', an' nen
Turn roun' an' nen lay down again.
An' one time Uncle Sidney say, --
"When dogs is sleepin' thataway,
Like Trip, an' @3whimpers,@1 it's a sign
He'll ketch @3eight@1 rabbits -- mayby @3nine@1 --
Afore his fleas'll wake him -- nen
He'll bite hisse'f to sleep again
An' @3try@1 to dream he's go' ketch @3ten@1."
An' when Ma's gone again back in
The kitchen, Uncle scratch his chin
An' say, "When Santy Claus an' Pa
An' me wuz little boys -- an' Ma,
When she's 'bout big as Etty there; --
W'y, -- 'When we're @3growed@1 -- no matter @3where,@1'
Santy he cross' his heart an' say, --
'I'll come to see you, all, some day
When @3you'@1 got childerns -- all but me
An' pore old Sid!'" Nen Uncle he
Ist kind o' shade his eyes an' pour'
'Bout forty-'leven bushels more
O' popcorn out the skillut there
in Ma's new basket on the chair.
An' nen he telled us -- an' talk' low,
"So Ma can't hear," he say: -- "You know
Yer @3Pa@1 know', when he drived away,
To-morry's go' be Chris'mus-@3Day;@1 --
Well, nen @3to-night,"@1 he whisper, 'see? --
It's go' be Chris'mus-@3Eve,"@1 says-ee,
"An', like yer Pa hint, when he went,
Old Santy Claus (now hush!) he's sent
Yer Pa a postul-card, an' write
He's shorely go' be here to-night. . . .
That's why yer Pa's so bored to be
@3Away@1 to-night, when Santy he
Is go' be here, sleighbells an' all,
To make you kids a Chris'mus-call!"
An' we're so glad to know @3fer shore@1
He's comin', I roll on the floor --
An' here come Trip a-waller'n' roun'
An' purt' nigh knock the clo'eshorse down! --
An' Etty grab Lee-Bob an' prance
All roun' the room like it's a dance --
Till Ma she come an' march us nen
To dinner, where we're @3still@1 again,
But @3tickled@1 so we ist can't eat
But pie, an' ist the hot mincemeat
With raisins in. -- But @3Uncle@1 et,
An' @3Ma.@1 An' there they set an' set
Till purt' nigh supper-time; nen we
Tell him he's got to fix the Tree
'Fore @3Santy@1 gits here, like he said.
We go nen to the old woodshed --
All bundled up, through the deep snow --
"An' snowin' yet, @3jee-rooshy-O!"@1
Uncle he said, an' he'p us wade
Back where's the Chris'mus-Tree he's made
Out of a little jackoak-top
He git down at the sawmill-shop --
An' Trip 'ud run ahead, you know,
An' 'tend-like he 'uz @3eatin'@1 snow --
When we all waddle back with it;
An' Uncle set it up -- an' git
It wite in front the fireplace -- 'cause
He says "'Tain't @3so@1 'at Santy Claus
Comes down @3all@1 chimblies, -- least, tonight
He's comin' in @3this@1 house all right --
By the front-door, as ort to be! --
We'll all be hid where we can @3see!"@1
Nen he look up, an' he see Ma
An' say, "It's ist too bad their @3Pa@1
Can't be here, so's to see the fun
The childern @3will@1 have, ever' one!"

Well, @3we!@1 -- We hardly couldn't wait
Till it wuz dusk, an' dark an' late
Enough to light the lamp! -- An' Lee-
Bob light a candle on the Tree --
"Ist @3one@1 -- 'cause I'm 'The Lighter'!" -- Nen
He clumb on Uncle's knee again
An' hug us @3bofe;@1 -- an' Etty git
Her little chist an' set on it
Wite clos't, while Uncle telled some more
'Bout Santy Claus, an' clo'es he wore
@3"All maked o' furs, an' trimmed as white
As cotton is, er snow at night!"@1
An' nen, all sudden-like, he say, --
@3"Hush! Listen there! Hain't that a sleigh
An' sleighbells jinglin'?"@1 Trip go @3"whooh!"@1
Like @3he@1 hear bells an' @3smell@1 'em, too.
Nen we all listen. . . . An'-sir, shore
Enough, we hear bells -- more an' more
A-jinglin' clos'ter -- clos'ter still
Down the old crook-road roun' the hill.
An' Uncle he jumps up, an' all
The chairs he jerks back by the wall
An' th'ows a' overcoat an' pair
O' winder-curtains over there
An' says, @3"Hide quick, er you're too late! --
Them bells is stoppin' at the gate! --
Git back o' them-'air chairs an' hide,
'Cause I hear Santy's voice outside!"@1
An' @3Bang! bang! bang!@1 we heerd the door --
Nen it flewed open, an' the floor
Blowed full o' snow -- that's @3first@1 we saw,
Till little Lee-Bob shriek' at Ma
@3"There's Santy Claus! -- I know him by
His big white mufftash!"@1 -- an' ist cry
An' laugh an' @3squeal@1 an' dance an' @3yell@1 --
Till, when he quiet down a spell,
Old Santy bow an' th'ow a kiss
To him -- an' one to me an' Sis --
An' nen go @3clos't@1 to Ma an' stoop
An' kiss her -- An' nen give a whoop
That @3fainted@1 her! -- 'Cause when he bent
An' kiss her, he ist backed an' went
Wite 'g'inst the Chris'mus-Tree ist where
The candle's at Lee-Bob lit there! --
An' set his white-fur belt afire --
An' blaze streaked roun' his waist an' higher
Wite up his old white beard an' th'oat! --
Nen Uncle grabs th' old overcoat
An' flops it over Santy's head,
An' swing the door wide back an' said,
"Come out, old man! -- an' @3quick@1 about
It! -- I've ist @3got@1 to put you out!"
An' out he sprawled him in the snow --
"Now @3roll!"@1 he says -- @3"Hi-roll-ee-O!"@1 --
An' Santy, sputter'n' @3"Ouch! Geewhiz!"@1
Ist roll an' roll fer all they is!
An' Trip he's out there, too, -- I know,
'Cause I could hear him yappin' so --
An' I heerd Santy, wunst er twic't,
Say, as he's rollin', @3"Drat the fice't!"@1
Nen Uncle come back in, an' shake
Ma up, an' say, "Fer mercy-sake! --
He hain't hurt none!" An' nen he said, --
"You youngsters h'ist up-stairs to bed!
Here! kiss yer Ma 'Good night,' an' me, --
We'll he'p old Santy fix the Tree --
An' all yer whistles, horns an' drums
I'll he'p you toot when morning comes!"

. . . . . . .

It's long while 'fore we go to sleep, --
'Cause down-stairs, all-time somepin' keep
A-kind o' scufflin' roun' the floors --
An' openin' doors, an' @3shettin'@1 doors --
An' could hear Trip a-whinin', too,
Like he don't know ist @3what@1 to do --
An' tongs a-clankin' down @3k'thump!@1 --
Nen some one squonkin' the old pump --
An' @3Wooh!@1 how cold it soun' out there! --
I could ist @3see@1 the pump-spout where
It's got ice chin-whiskers all wet
An' drippy -- An' I see it yet!
An' men, seem-like, I hear some mens
A-talkin' out there by the fence,
An' one says, "Oh, 'bout twelve o'clock!"
"Nen," 'nother'n' says, "Here's to you, Doc! --
@3God bless us ever' one!"@1 An' nen
I heerd the old pump squonk again.
An' nen I say my prayer all through
Like Uncle Sidney learn' me to, --
"O Father mine, e'en as Thine own,
This child looks up to Thee alone:
Asleep or waking, give him still
His Elder Brother's wish and will."
An' that's the last I know . . . Till Ma
She's callin' us -- an' so is @3Pa@1, --
He holler @3"Chris'mus-gif'!"@1 an' say, --
"I'm got back home fer Chris'mus-Day! --
An' Uncle Sid's here, too -- an' he
Is nibblin' roun' yer Chris'mus-Tree!"
Nen @3Uncle@1 holler, "I suppose
Yer Pa's so proud he's froze his nose
He wants to turn it up at us,
'Cause @3Santy@1 kick' up such a fuss --
Tetchin' hisse'f off same as ef
He wuz his own fireworks hisse'f!"

An' when we're down-stairs, -- shore enough,
Pa's nose @3is@1 froze, an' salve an' stuff
All on it -- an' one hand's froze, too,
An' got a old yarn red-and-blue
Mitt on it -- "An' he's froze some more
Acrost his chist, an' kind o' sore
All roun' his @3dy@1-fram," Uncle say. --
"But Pa he'd ort a-seen the way
@3Santy@1 bear up last night when that-
Air fire break out, an' quicker'n @3scat@1
He's all a-blazin', an' them-'air
Gun-cotton whiskers that he wear
Ist @3flashin'!@1 -- till I burn a hole
In the snow with him, an' he roll
The front-yard dry as Chris-mus jokes
Old parents plays on little folks!
But, long's a smell o' tow er wool,
I kep' him rollin' @3beautiful!@1 --
Til I wuz @3shore@1 I @3shorely@1 see
He's @3squenched!@1 W'y, hadn't b'en fer @3me@1,
That old man might a-burnt clear down
Clean -- plum' -- level with the groun'!"
Nen Ma say, @3"There@1, Sid; that'll do! --
Breakfast is ready -- @3Chris'mus@1, too. --
Your voice 'ud soun' best, sayin' @3Grace@1 --
Say it." An' Uncle bow' his face
An' say so long a @3Blessing@1 nen,
Trip bark' @3two@1 times 'fore it's "A-men!"



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